because I'm scared I won't want to come back to my life with my spouse.

I love my spouse, and I'm not looking for a divorce or separation. But I'm overall miserable here and it's clear to me that the adventure and openness we had when we were dating has fled our married life.

Shit shit shit, I don't even know how to explain this and I don't care about makign myself clear. I just... I hate it here. I hate what my life feels like. I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor or somebody next week. I don't know what to do.